Each time I write a rhyme
Each time I spit this flow
I wonder how many times I will throw the bottle to the floor
I’m lost in my sorrow
So deep I don’t see tomorrow
I run out of lines, so I look and I borrow
One from LE1, 3, and 4 to make 5
The point where I finally decide to stop and pick a side
Because in all my sorrow, in all my madness
I find that I’m tired of all this sadness
I find that I’m done with all the misery
Before my regrets put me in the penitentiary
Because trust me when the thought arose to kill
I thought of that long walk on death’s hill
When I look up and there’s no one else to greet me
But the grim reaper himself who wants to meet me
I’ve been ducking and dodging, trying to delay the fall
I guess this is the point where I die after all
Down on all my small ropes, down with all regret
Thought that I was going to get to the point where i would protect
My friends and family from the harsh, gruesome truth
That since 97, peace of mind is far from my truth
Being bullied and picked on for so many days
Caused a suicidal demon to come out of its cage
My passion died in 05 when things went downhill
07 was the year I lost the will to feel
The emotions of life, the experiences of the game
I thought that I’d plaster a smile that it’d tame
The thoughts of my heart, the way I was depressed
But honestly through all this, all I needed was a caress

Let’s switch to the other side where all the past died
And I evolved my entire life over one time where I tried
To please myself, to make my self happy
To not sound emotional, definitely not sappy,
But I exceeded all standards, I gained so much power
Who would’ve thought that I’d get this strength in one hour
On the iron, lifting weights, always adding plates
What people didn’t see was that I was getting my soul straight
In that room I had peace, with the weights on my mind
Then I got home and got back to my daily grind
When life’s trials and tribulations made me sick
I look down on the floor and see the old game stick
Where many hours were wasted, playing my life away
But what people didn’t know that it got me through the day
It got me through the bullies, it got me through the deaths
It talked me through my voices, it brought me to myself
Throughout all this misery, I never lost sight
That no matter what I thought, I’m not alone in the fight
Because I said I had faith, I said that I believed
That in the words written down I was not deceived
That if I fight through my life and hold on to you
Heaven would be my home and I will kneel to you
Right now I fight the devil in all shape and form
But each time I talk to you, my spirit is reborn
Full of fiery conviction, full of determination
Inspired to continue my life and real education
But I look the depression that I got out of
To let you people know you too can come out of
Depression, lack of confidence and self esteem
To live your life strong, to chase your own dreams
Just move on from those who do you the most harm
And ensure the seeds you plant in your spiritual farm
Are the ones that bring forth the best you can grow
Because trust me, in life, you reap what you sow

This one is for all of those who go through depression, thinking that the world turned its back on you. There’s someone out there who know how you feel and knows why you would think revenge, anger, homicide, suicide, etc. Remember, there is a God out there, and you would have to attest to him for yourself, not for everyone else. Keep striving and keep growing. Humans killed his son…trust me, they can do worse to all of us.

inspired by Eminem – Like Toy Soldiers

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