2/25/07 – The Heads/Tails Concept

The Heads/Tails concept is confusing at times when it’s applied to a person. Self-expression is perhaps the hardest thing. It is true that I do keep to myself, despite how outward I may seem. I may speak to others when I see them, but that’s pretty much it. I don’t know why, but I find myself at a distance from the people that I claim to care about. The fact is that expressing myself is the most difficult thing ever. Heh..guess that’s why I stick to the side of the coin that I’m used to..the part where I socialize ONLY when necessary. Otherwise, I retreat into my own world.

And exactly what is my own world? It is a shadow existence to say the least. To be the guy behind the scenes, an observer of what goes on around him, not saying much, but accepting what happens. I see that I am like this even in the Internet world, a world where a lot of people reinvent themselves. On-Line, I do have a lot of people that I can and do converse with, but there are points where I completely maintain my silence, especially in on-line gaming lobbies. It’s like the conversations are above my head and I’m just there, feeling awkward. I guess this applies to me in real life also.