15 Things I Learned from WWE RAW 8/5/13

I learned

  1. Daniel Bryan’s beard was more over than the segment where Tito Ortiz was revealed on TNA.
  2. WWEshop will keep the “The ___ is here” shirt template for all champions.
  3. Old women can dance better than Vince.
  4. Alberto is scared to raise his leg higher. HBK may come and show him a real superkick.
  5. John Cena gets high off his own supply.
  6. Ryback has more salt than a saltshaker, going around beating up people.
  7. That guy who Ryback beat up backstage began to sink down into a fetal position like Ryback was….nevermind.
  8. John Cena confirmed that he will not turn heel.
  9. Cody used his mustache to fish out that briefcase out of the Gulf of Mexico
  10. Tons of Funk…They’re here.
  11. The Wyatt Family knows what to do when they see fire…TUCK AND ROLL!
  12. Vince, corporate makeovers never work…you know this.
  13. Wade Barrett vs The Razor. Joy.
  14. WWE has yet again managed to make John Cena look somewhat the underdog.
  15. Wolverine vs The Beast. Cole is so stoked on this one. “THE BEAST IS DOWN! THE BEAST IS DOWN!”