My single goal was to be the best…bar none. The bar setter, the go-getter, the one and only, not a one trick pony, best in the world.
As the emotion creeps while I write this, I will focus on 3 points: Perfection, Precision, and Focus.
“Be the best you can be”
I honestly blanked out when the “you can be” was said. This meant that I only heard the 1st part of the statement. I only heard that I needed to be the best. From that standpoint, I modeled myself after many things and many people, in an effort to reach this ‘perfect’ persona. The perfect intellectual, physical specimen, spiritual individual, every aspect…I strived for perfection. I knew everything that I touched would not be gold, but I thought I could at least make it silver or close to gold.
Everything about me is calculated. Thought, steps, direction, emotions, it is all a concise, calculated direction. No matter what has been said or done, there is always a contemplation, a motive, and a reason.
Focus is a sense that I took to the extreme.
With all this in mind, I had a concise thought and kinda lost direction on what needed to be and what wanted to be.
Life is not about 100% wants or 100% needs. There is a middle ground, and I will spend my life trying to find it.