3/8/07 – Piece by Piece

Piece by Piece….the way to bring things back into perspective. It’s like a broken puzzle…sorta. A person finds the pieces and starts to place them. Sometimes, the pieces fit, but other times….no, I can’t say that part. Every piece must fit. If it doesn’t, then it is in the wrong location. I pieced back my employee status already. I haven’t lost much step when it comes to working. Academically and socially, I am still putting the pieces back together.

3/5/07 – Falling Apart

Trust Company – Falling Apart

I slipped away further from you trying to find what is real,
You’re somebody else that I never knew, and someone that I can’t feel.
I shut it away I keep it in me. Is this what it takes to keep me alive?
So you take me and you break me, and you see I’m falling apart.
Complicate me and forsake me, you push me out so far; there’s no other feeling.

I slipped away closer to me the only thing that is real.
I’m falling behind and now I can see your absence helps me heal.

I shoved you away I keep you for me. Is this what it takes to keep me alive?
So you take me and you break me, and you see I’m falling apart.
Complicate me and forsake me, you push me out so far; there’s no other feeling.

Spread, Spread out.
So you take me and you break me, and you see I’m falling apart.
Complicate me and forsake me, you push me out so far.
And you take me and you break me, and you see I’m falling apart.
There’s no more feeling.

2/19/07 – Party from Saturday & What Makes the Mind Wonder?

It’s all a thought process. Today was kinda same ol’ and kinda new. Weird, but I feel a little better than I felt last week at this time. I don’t know.
Ok, the jist of this weekend: I WENT TO A FUCKING PARTY.

PIC 1pic 2cool

Here’s how it happened. Go to Wal-Mart, come back, phone rings. “Los, you comin?!” “Yea, I’ll be there in a few.” Print out map to spot on Mapquest.com, and get there with no problems or complications, except a funny sound under the hood that I’m getting checked out tomorrow. Aside from that, fun, fun and more fun. These are just a few of the shots taken, click em to enlarge. It was a fun thing, one of the few times I actually went out. A lot of fun, and a lot of new people that I met. Awesome Saturday Night.

Now the downside (if there is one)
I have a lot of things that are constantly on my mind. As I assume a lot of roles in my life it makes me think of a lot of shit. As a child of God, I wonder if I really putting my best foot forward with HIM? As a son, I wonder if the way I live my life in a way that reflects their morals and ideals that were supposedly instilled into my being? As a student, are the sleepless nights, dedication, and times to stay motivated actually enough for my success? As a man, am I being typical or establishing my own character? As a Vice-President of I.M.A.G.E. (Increasing Minority Access to Graduate Education), do I really portray said image (no pun)? As an older cousin and brother, do I really set the example worth following to an extent? As a friend, am I being a convenience or inconvenience to the people that I say are the ones I would not trade for anything in the world?

I really am confused on a few things. One of them is me busting my ass trying to live my life. I heard a person once say that if you have to question your effort, there is more that can be done. The things is I don’t see what else can be done. It’s the same smashmouth mentality I had for the past 3 years, 2 of those 3 years was learning the mentality. This year is the applying of that mentality. To find yourself slipping back into the same habits means you haven’t done shit. So I guess that is why I disappear at times, to re-evaluate what I have done and see if it comply in what I say. In the words of John Cena, “There are those who talk about it, and there are those who be about it.” It’s a quote I try to live by, to be about who I am and what I do.

Well this is what makes my mind go left, right, and all around at times.



Sitting home, lazy, playing the ol’ Xbox. Right now, duking it out in Capcom vs SNK 2, great fighting game. Anyway, I did a lot of program installations at work, 6 to be exact. Wasn’t too bad, but Adobe 8.0 Pro is a big program. Took me a couple of hours. Also, I’ve been doing a lot of Visual Basic programming for my Intro to VB class. It’s turning out to be pretty fun, despite the fact that programming is not my strong point.

Ok, Valentine’s Day is over, so bye bye to the daily poetry. Most, if not all, of my poetry will be posted to my webpage by this weekend. For the blog and the facebook notes, only the titles of updated stuff will be posted, other shit will just have to be read at http://www.losevoluton.com. Time to study instead of gaming for now. Later world

Thoughts of Being Defined

My thoughts of being defined as perhaps a complex individual.

My thoughts of smiling through pain and torment, sometimes self-inflicted.

Sometimes, it gets difficult living strong, living fast, living hard, living life without regrets or fear. There’s always the point where these feelings will be felt. A person will feel fear, will feel regret, will feel weak. This is a point of realization that life and everything that is done in it has a price.

One deep thought hit me today: sometimes we go through pain that is unnecessary Burdens that are on our shoulders are burdens that we are not supposed to carry. That’s why I said the word ‘self-inflicted’ earlier. I can speak personally as one who will try to stay smiling through it all, but things still get me down.

I always feel myself slipping back into similar traits that I thought I defined to not be a part of me anymore. That’s where persistence comes in. Things do not become habitual unless they are done consistently.

A person cannot be confident unless he or she shows confidence constantly. A person cannot be faithful without keeping the faith through all obstacles. And a person cannot define who he or she is unless it is known. To lose who you are is to lose yourself.

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