Why Did I Become A Gamer Part III

Click here for Part I and Part II


For the final spiel, I want to dwell into what made me real as a gamer. When I was a kid, it was all I had. No siblings, so all I had was a control stick ready to be dominated. I basically bust my ass when it comes to every game, no sandbagging, and I play every game like it is my last. It is a contradiction to my Part II spiel, but it is true.

I do everything from watch film, train, practice, compete in clan matches, read strategy forums, even getting trained by great players in certain games. I do time-attacks in adventure games for fun, play action-adventure games on the hardest difficulty, compete in the major and minor RTS games, and working on spanking the sports genre.

I believe in trial by fire. If you’re new to the game, get thrown to the wolves! Do NOT go after similar sheep since it will give you false confidence. Knock the best mofo off his or her perch. Establish yourself by kicking major ass, not playing in the minor leagues.

So, are you REALLY a gamer?!


I know I am


Accepting Imperfection or Trying to Reach Perfection?

The conflict within myself is to either accept the fact that mistakes will come…..or to do what it takes to prevent mistakes from coming. I had a blank moment when I was told to, “Be the best that you can be.” I only heard, “Be the best.” In life, I expect so much from myself that no one’s expectations could be higher. Because of this, it angers me so when these expectations are not met, especially when it is something that I feel that is in my own control. LosEvolution, in itself, is just that: My evolution.

The tears I shed over sadness…
The angers that I have over failure…
The pain that fuels the desire to be the best in all that I do…

It is drive, a motivation, a force…pure absolute power.

I do not know which one I will choose; however, I am currently tired. That is one thing for certain.

Changes will come, and another evolution will take place.

The Trio of Greatness

My single goal was to be the best…bar none. The bar setter, the go-getter, the one and only, not a one trick pony, best in the world.

As the emotion creeps while I write this, I will focus on 3 points: Perfection, Precision, and Focus.

“Be the best you can be”
I honestly blanked out when the “you can be” was said. This meant that I only heard the 1st part of the statement. I only heard that I needed to be the best. From that standpoint, I modeled myself after many things and many people, in an effort to reach this ‘perfect’ persona. The perfect intellectual, physical specimen, spiritual individual, every aspect…I strived for perfection. I knew everything that I touched would not be gold, but I thought I could at least make it silver or close to gold.

Everything about me is calculated. Thought, steps, direction, emotions, it is all a concise, calculated direction. No matter what has been said or done, there is always a contemplation, a motive, and a reason.

Focus is a sense that I took to the extreme.

With all this in mind, I had a concise thought and kinda lost direction on what needed to be and what wanted to be.

Life is not about 100% wants or 100% needs. There is a middle ground, and I will spend my life trying to find it.